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Tag: humor

Vacuuming up memory

Yesterday I was cleaning the house as normal. I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I was not fully awake while I was cleaning the house before going for work. I finished the kitchen, the hall, the living room,, and at last at my room.

There is a red coloured rag in my room which can collect some real good dirt. But, a SanDisk micro SD card also has a red and black colour!

I was cleaning my room, and there was a piece of paper on the rag. I moved the vacuum brush on it. But! As I started to move the brush on it, inside my mind,, my reaction was:   “Shit!!!” . I knew that it was my un-backedup microSD card! Muscle memory moved my arm and sucked in the card. *Clicketly clickety clik clickety clieck”.

Shit!! I powered off the Hoover. Opened the device, took off the bag.  Damn! It was  fortunate that I noticed that my microSD card, which fell out of my wallet was sucked into the vacuum cleaner device, but there is a difficult task ahead.

I was completely exhausted and very sleepy, therefore I searched for new bags in the store. There was none. That means, I cannot cut the bag with a pair or scissors, but have to dig every bit out. Therefore I started to dig every bit out. This was a painful 45 minutes task, which involved pulling whatever was in the vacuum cleaner bag and check it in detail if there was a microSD card somewhere.

I emptied the bag. No sign  of the microSD card. I went through the trash manually (which was mostly carpet fiber and dog hair), still no sign.

When the bag was empty, for the last chance, i shook the bag violently (as I couldn’t cut the bag), and ….. miracle. The microSD card appeared !!!

Relief !

It’s now in a more secure place 😀

 

Mixer taps

Mixer tap temperature control is a version of tuning a radio for an AM radio station, and trying to get the best audio quality. The only difference is that where you get penalised if you do a mistake if you make a mistake with the taps. I am sure everyone knows about this fact and sometimes it can be a little bit annoying when planning to take a really long shower.

There are essentially four types of such devices to mix hot and cold water I have encountered, which are as follows.

  • Two different taps, one for hot and one for cold, commonly found in old houses in the UK.
  • Two separate taps,one controlling the hot water flow another the cold but has one tap nozzle.
  • Those taps where the vertical position of the tap head extension is neutral, and right is for cold and left is for right (or the opposite).
  • The electronic ones which has a constant temperature water, which is often good enough, along with the electrically heated showers with electronic temperature controller.

My issue is for the showers only, because the water is pouring all over you. If it is cold, it feels like a shock, if it hot, it feels like fire. I have mostly used the ones with the two separate taps to tune the proper temperature of the water while taking a shower. This is a science to keep the temperature at a constant value. Also if you make a setup the fist day, it may not work the next day, as the temperature of the hot water may not be the same as the last day.

The process goes something like this, first make sure the water is heated for enough time so it really hot. Next, open the hot water tap and let the cold water in the pipe drain out. Next try to find the comfortable temperature by adjusting the tap for cold water. It sounds easy, and it is easy, but there are some challenges.

Once you are in the shower for some time, the temperature of the water may change. It can start to become colder, or warmer, depending on the temperature of the hot water, or a breeze from somewhere (a slightly open window). Then you reach for one of the taps, and this is tricky. The setting is delicate. You have to rotate the tap knob, but the rotation should be so minuscule that you should not feel that it has rotated. If you have rotated a bit too much, it can end up freezing you or burning you. When I tell burn, it is literal. Therefore, at that time, it requires focus, and a very delicate series of very minuscule rotations of the taps to get the right temperature. Read the rest of this entry »

Blown in the wind

I was going home at a very cold and windy night. Technically it was morning though. The temperature plummeted below zero, the strong wind and the very light drizzle made it unimaginably cold for me. Therefore before leaving my desk, I put enough layers on me. It’s a three and a half kilometer walk.

That day I also wore a pair of gloves. While on the way I took a few pictures of a nearby landmark, which I do almost every night. Though the gloves came with metal mesh on the finger tips of the index finger and the thumb, but as everyone knows, operating anything with the gloves on is clumsy. Therefore I took off the glove from my right hand and kept in the left pocket of the jacket, as the right one already had a music player in it.

After taking a couple of picture, and started walking while flicking through the album and put the phone in my pocket, and then continued to walk. Instead of putting on the glove, I proceeded to walk. After quite some time, when my hand start to become cold, I reached for the glove on the right pocket, but it seemed to be not there! Read the rest of this entry »

Muscle memory and Coffee

My daily routine is to wake up, get ready and get to the regular shop to buy an Americano and a muffin. The machine from which I get the coffee from, has the 12oz Americano button on the top left side, which I press everyday. Today, I went to some other store for a coffee as it was on the way. It had a different kind of machines I kept the cup under the dispenser nozzles and pressed the top left button. The machine did not respond, therefore I pressed again and it worked. The moment it started to make the buzzing noise of grinding coffee beans, I noticed that it had a different kind of machine with a different button configuration. It had the leftmost button programmed to have 12oz Cappuccino. Although when the first time it did not work, I read the text on the button and it was Americano.

While the cup was filling up I understood that everything, muscle memory, and eye memory (there is no such term) has taken full control on me at morning. This was the saddest coffee I had in quite a while. I was really looking forward to have a nice and calm Americano, and now I am walking out with a cup of Capucchino, which was not expected. The milk tastes different (horrible). I was only able to finish half of the cup, and then later in the day ended up making some coffee at home.

There are plenty of muscle memory related stories I and my friends have. One of them are after I finish writing something on a paper with a pen and after I keep the pen down, sometimes my hand does an action on air, as if there was a keyboard, and I was saving the document with a specific key combination (:wq + Enter to be specific).

Did you do anything funny because of muscle memory?

Sugar in fries

I was dining at a place today. I ordered a kind of chicken fillet burger and fries. I was very hungry at that time and was eating and talking. After some time I felt that I needed a bit more salt in the fries. On my right hand there was a large container with a hole on the top with salt in it. Though the container was a bit (a lot) larger than normal (with one big hole on the top), I took the container and got a good amount of salt in my fries. After shaking the container a few times a guy told  me “you might want to make sure it is salt in it and is not sugar”.  Read the rest of this entry »

The Beef is Pork confusion

We were in the legendary Tundey Kebabi in Lucknow, Uttarpradesh. We were around 10 people for a one day outing from Banaras Hindu University to Lucknow. We ordered mutton biriyani, mutton chap, chapli kebabs, parathas. None of us eats beef except me and another two friends in the group, one of whom was a friend of us from Herat,Afghanistan, studying with us.

It was a tiring day, as we started at night from Banaras and travelled overnight in train and reached Lucknow. Then we directly went for hot samosa and jalebi, and roamed around under the sun, had some kulcha chola. Visited a few places (not discussing about them here).

After the meal was served, people started eating immediately. The food starting vanishing quickly. Everyone was eating, except our friend from Afghanistan avoided the beef chapli kebabs. I kept his share on the plate. He just continued eating the other kebabs and biriyani. When I told him to eat them before I finish them off, he told that he was okay and asked me to eat them. I thought it was a tiring day, another friend felt very sick and could not eat at all, therefore he might be feeling a bit sick as well. I started to eat his share of the beef chapli kebabs.

Now the interesting thing happened. Read the rest of this entry »

Lift

I went to meet someone, who was staying in a hotel nearby where I stay these days. As I knew in which room the per son was staying I straight entered the hotel, after the brief mandatory scanning process, I called the lift to the ground floor. The lift arrived and I entered it. The doors closed. All the time I was thinking about something and was not fully aware of what was going on. After some brief moment I felt that the lift is taking a considerable amount of time to get to the second floor, and the lift’s floor counter was still showing G. I pressed the button 2 again. Again after some more time, the lift was still on floor G. I was really annoyed at that point, and tried to figure out what the problem was. I noticed that when I pressed the button 2, the light around the button lit up while the button was pressed, and when I released the button the light around the button turned off, where it should be on, and the lift should move. I looked around for instruction cards, and there was none. Read the rest of this entry »

Flight booking

Posting after a long time, though there was no good cause for not posting in this blog, but it just gets delayed. These days we are in a blunder spree, back to back blunders. I thought to share one of the finest blunders me and my friends did recently.

These days I am staying in Bangalore, India. My friend in Kolkata, called me and told that he needs to reach Bangalore as soon as possible and he requires me to book a flight ticket from Kolkata to Bangalore. While talking through the phone, I went ahead and searched and selected the cheapest flight on the date range he asked for. After entering passenger details and confirming everything, I entered the card number and passwords and made the payment. After the payment the page showed the final ticket, ready to be printed out. Sometimes you will feel that something is definitely wrong in what you see but cannot spot it. This was the feeling when I was looking at the ticket. Everything is correct, name, Kolkata, Bangalore, date, everything. Then I re-read the ticket aloud inside my mind, and it read something like: “Source Bangalore, destination Kolkata, date … wait !! what??” . The source had to be Kolkata and destination had to be Bangalore! There was a series of questions in my mind in that instant. Which are listed below, sorted in order of stupidity (hightest first). Read the rest of this entry »

The minibar smiles, so does the electric fly catcher

 

Mini Bar

Mini Bar

Electrical Fly Catcher

Electrical Fly Catcher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although minibars are nice if you don’t want to go out or call the kitchen just for a can of Coke or some nuts or such kind of snacks, or some other drinks, there is not much difference between the minibar in the hotel rooms and an Electrical fly killer. Both attract inexperienced creatures, of the respective types, and later electrify it. Although this might not be the interpretation for most of the people out there but I like to think minibars in this way! The minibar is placed in a position in such a way, it looks like it is smiling at you and telling that “it’s okay man, take one, it’s casual, just have some stuff”. The face behind the smile is uncovered at the time you discover the discrepancy on the bill and your calculation of the bill at the time of check out. There are sudden checks for the minibar. A Nazi SS officer knocks the door, you let him/her in, he/she goes to the minibar, 5 secs, goes out. I feel like “OmG! If he/she detects something missing even it is not!!”. A hectic job for the guy/gal inspecting the fridge at such short time. If you take something out, later when you enter the room after an outing, and ta-raaa!! The items are replaced! Once in  Novotel, Cairo 6th of October City, at the time of checkout a person travelling with us was told that he took a bottle of water from the minibar, although he hasn’t. Even after telling that he haven’t taken the bottle out, the guy in the reception told that he did take out a bottle because they saw an empty bottle of the same brand in the room. Then there was a somewhat heated conversation between the person in reception and the person travelling with us. He didn’t pay for the bottle which he actually didn’t take. I have also seen a minibar saying “Hey, you can keep your clothes in here!” it had no power and nothing inside, but the box was still there.

The concept is really nice, I hope to get one of this under my work desk were I can store all sorts of goodies and fetch them whenever I like to have some.

I almost attempted to pee in the cabin crew cupboard

I cannot sleep in aircraft, the economy class is very uncomfortable for long flights. I was on a connecting flight from Kolkata to iStanbul. After finishing off my playlist and viewing some movie, I tried to get some sleep. I slept for some time, but the liquid pressure awoke me. I stood up and could not balance myself for a moment as I was still very sleepy but got back control and approached the lavatory. I tried to open the door of the lavatory which was not opening. I tried a lot to open the door but failed. Next I observed someone came outside the door on the opposite right side of the door which I was trying to open. Damn! That was the moment when I really had a look at the entire door and discovered it was the cabin crew cupboard, and I was trying to open it and hydrate the stuffs in there. Then I approached the opposite door and released some liquid pressure.